Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Lessons in loss

Pets bring joy and many lesson we as parents often can never imagine and sometimes don't want to experience. Loss is one of them. Sadly our family has experienced the loss of three dear companions over the last 3 years. Moose, (our 13 yr old german shepherd) Clover ( our 2 yr old cat we had since 4 days old and fostered his family) and Jack. ( most recently our 12 yr old amazing tuxedo cat) Each passing has allowed us as a family to reflect and grow. They all were very different and very very sad. I hope that by sharing our story on the blog that these stories will help some other parents and families as they go through these heartbreaking but also bonding and life changing times. Painful as they are, these experiences also offer many learning opportunities if we allow them. Some very very special lessons.




Clover's story


Several years ago we were fortunate to get an opportunity to foster a litter of kittens with their Mother. The kittens were 4 days old. It was such a great experience and we as a family fell in love with the shy black kitten David had named Clover. The kittens were born on St Patrick's day and so they were all named to that theme. Clover was shy, and very sensitive but so sweet and I remember when it came time to send him to an adoptathon I said....with tears in my eyes...."he is not going today." The thought of him leavning our home tore my heart apart. Anyway, we adopted clover and were so excited that Clover would be with our family for many many years to come. Our 2 cats were getting older and we felt so lucky to have Clover be our third kitty. ;) Clover was such a great boy. He spent many days on the back of my chair purring nad kneeding his paws and tearing hte back of it. :) He also helped became best buddies with our German Shepherd Moose and supported him through thunderstorms. Clover and Moose had a beautiful relationship and each day they began the morning the same way. Clover would meow and walk to Moose. He would lay between Mooses's paws while Moose scratched his back with his teeth and then clover would roll over on his back and Moose would then scratch clover's belly. Once done Clover would give a final MEOW and bat Moose on the muzzle and give a swish of his tail and off he went. We would know this greeting had taken place only from the wettness of Clover's furr! ;) He would be soaked! Too cute and way funny.
Anyway, One day when clover was about 2 years old my daughter (4 yr old) came running to me saying "MOMMY CLOVER IS DEAD!" I said....Honey, he can't be ...he is so young ...he must be sleeping. She said....No, he is cold Mommy...he;s dead. I was shocked as I looked at my daughters tear streaked face and realized that there is no way she could be wrong. I followed her to Clover and indeed our dear kitten had passed on. He looked so peaceful as if he was napping. As we sat in shock and panic and pain just overwhelmed with emotion. I just sat holding Kayleigh saying it is so unfair. So unfair. How, why? So many questions and my boys were due home within 1/2 hour. David would be devastated. I remember calling my husband and don't remember any of the call. Why? How? How long was he gone? How could I not have known? The 3 dogs were right htere in the room with him as were our cats. Was he in pain? The guild, the pain, the questions, the dread of telling my boys. It all was rushing over me. My little cloclo was gone and my kids hearts were breaking. It was so unfair.

Clover's passing haunted us as it was sudden and unexpected. It also taught us soooooo much. It really bonded us together as a family I often think of it as one of the biggest learning experiences. The lessons we learned were deep and so important. Appreciate the NOW......appreciate one another. Life is short and age does not decide when you die. Clover was so young. We counted on him being here for years. His dying young taught us so much. Clover also looked so peaceful when he passed under our window in our living room. Nothing scary or tragic. For that I am forever grateful. Kayleigh and I had both wittnessed a dog hit by a car prior to clover's passing. This was tragic and she and I had a horrid vision in our mind and I was Thankful for a peaceful image of death for her as we knew our senior dog Moose was nearing this final chapter in his life too. I was amazed as a parent at how the kids took in the lessons and when asked what they felt clover would want us to remember about his life they said.....to have fun...feel joy. Be adventurous. They also felt he maybe needed to leave us so that when it was time for Moose to pass on that he would be there already to help Moose since Clover always helped Moose with thunderstorms. Ironically after clover passed Moose never had thunderstorm issues again.

We miss and love you Clover!

I will write about Moose's story next.

Moose was the most spectacular German shepherd. When we adopted him he was 5 or 6 and was about 90lbs. Andrew and David were 3 & 2 and Moose was a bull in a china shop. He just plowed through our home and destroyed every ball in the house. This was devastating to the boys and we soon learned about our ball obsessed dog! Moose loved balls more then anything and we spend the next 7 years managing his enthusiasm for all things round and in motion. Balloons, bikes, costumes with balls, anything. Moose was one of a kind. He was a gentle giant and rolled with the punches. He accepted all the new fosters that came and went into our home and did a great job. He made friends with the cats and especially loved Clover. Moose's prior life was one of neglect and abuse. He sure made up for that during his years with us. He always loved to be in the middle of things and was a neighborhood favorite! As he got older his size and strength began to battle with one another. Being a large boy is not easy. Moose had good weeks then a bad one then good then bad. We knew we would have to make a decission and help him peacefully move on. I will never forget the day I looked in his eyes and it was as if he said "Mom, I am worn out." I knew it was close and felt we needed to prepare. We talked as a family and made a plan. We invited friends to come and say goodbye to Moose and share their time with him. We wrote about him and as a family we made the choice to have our vet come and let Moose cross and be with clover at the bridge. We brushed him for hours before talking to him and just being with him. Kayleigh especially. We were all with Moose in the same spot in our living room where Clover chose to leave us. The kids printed out a photo of Clover and we laid it by him and told him Clo Clo was ready for him. It was peaceful and gentle. His body could no longer serve him and we let him go with dignity. Our gentle giant was at peace. Although we missed Moose terribly.....we also felt relief for him. No more struggle, there was never the question about if it was the right time or if it was the right choice. We knew it was and we all felt at peace. I slept with Moose's collar. I shared tears with the kids. We listened and cried when we needed to. Most of all we allowed each other space and time to be angry, hurt and tried to be patient and forgiving as we all grieved in our own unique ways. As we always did we kept the kids home from school to spend the day together as a family. Moose's passing was due to age and his body not being able to function in a healthy way any longer. We knew this was the best option. Although it was the right choice it was still such a hard decission. My husband and I chose to include our children. Due to our involvment in rescue and having experienced death of animals previously we gave the kids many options and different choices as far as participating or not in Moose's passing. We explained the medication and what was going to happen and when. Our vet was wonderful and it was very peaceful. I do feel that if you choose to include your children that you need to be prepared for what you are also experiencing. If you have not attended a euthenasia before then be sure to discuss with your vet what to expect and feel free to contact me if I can be of support in any way in this area.jen@familypaws.com